Confession: I have good news!!

How to survive the arrival fallacy and celebrate the wins

If she looks a little different, it’s because she is! Meet the Urban Outfitters exclusive edition of Self Love Poetry, now in pink and orange just in time for this delicious summer.

Six months ago, I received this email from my editor. “Urban Outfitters is interested in a possible exclusive edition of Self Love Poetry, and they would like a different/new color cover or additional content for their exclusive edition.”

Today, I’m happy to share that this exclusive edition, with a brand new cover and 10 new poems, is available at Urban Outfitters, both online and in stores.

Urban Outfitters. My book. Exclusive edition.

The very reason I signed a book deal instead of remaining a self-published poet is moments like this — my book, in a store, around the country, around the world.

You would think I would have been screaming about this new edition of Self Love Poetry from the rooftops for the past six months. When the deal was approved. When the custom cover was designed. When the new poems were written. When it went to print. Instead, this is the first mention I’m making of it. Because until I went in the store this week, and held the book in my hand (one of only a handful of books available in the store) I didn’t allow myself to feel the magnitude of it.

Why? Because I’m wired to think it’s weird/selfish to celebrate my wins (internally, or externally). Beyond that, accomplishing a goal, sometimes feels like a let down for me. Maybe you feel this way, too? This is why I’m writing this post.

We deserve to feel the wins, to share them, to celebrate them, to bask in their glow. To stop dead in our goal-oriented tracks and be in the moment, in the win, for as long as we can.

I read recently that goal-oriented people often feel deflated or even a bit depressed or anxious when they finally reach a goal. A little research gives this condition a term: the arrival fallacy (coined by positive psychology expert Tal Ben-Shahar in his book Happier).

Here’s how it works: we set a goal, we work towards it, we are utterly future-focused, and become powered by a continuous improvement mindset. Who we are now is no longer enough, and even when we accomplish said goal we’re immediately onto the next thing. Pair this with a desire not to brag, or appear full of ourselves, and the result is this: we quietly reach our self-imposed finish lines, and then continue to limp towards the ever receding mirage that is our self worth. Will we ever be enough? Not if we continue like this.

Self Love Poetry, 58.

How do we overcome this cycle? We connect with our greater why. We root ourselves in purpose, and in the present. We stop letting money be the thing that dictates our worth to ourselves. This last one is definitely true for me. For anyone who doesn’t already know, traditional publishing is not a financially rewarding enterprise. Despite selling 100,000 books in the last two years, I don’t have financial security from it — not even close. Part of what you do when you subscribe to this newsletter is make it possible for me to keep writing because selling books alone isn’t going to do that.

But here’s the thing — when I root myself in my purpose, which is to write things that empower people to love themselves more — the worry about finances starts to fade and celebrating myself becomes possible. Because impact has no financial requirement, and I know I’ve made an impact. And whether you subscribe or not, whether my social post gets enough likes, and whether my book becomes a NYTimes bestseller will never diminish this moment for me: Urban Outfitters ordered an exclusive edition of my book! And guess what: they ordered an exclusive edition of The Shift, too. I’ve been keeping that to myself, too.

I’m on Threads by the way and having a great time — join me there by clicking here.

So regardless of the goal you’re working towards and how close you are to it, take a moment and give yourself a big squeeze. You’re alive in this moment and doing something that matters to you. I hope you’ll leave a comment or reply to this email and tell me about one of your wins, either one from the past, or one in progress. Because it is my privilege and pleasure to witness and celebrate you — always.

Pick up your copy of the new edition of Self Love Poetry at Urban Outfitters!