Confession: I'm not going to believe you anymore

Welcome to our first guest Confession by artist Leanne Aranador of Ladoru

It is my profound honor to introduce you to Leanne Aranador, the author of Self Love Confidential’s very first guest confession. Leanne is my decade-long creative collaborator and dear friend. From leading design at Fred and Far to illustrating Self Love Poetry, The ABCs of Self Love and The Shift, she is responsible for bringing my greatest creative visions to life. I’m so proud to give her this platform to share her story, and also her latest project: Embrace Yourself, her coloring book which launched this week. When I share this platform with others, please know that it is never a paid placement or advertising. I’m simply honored to share the people and stories that have inspired me.

I’m not going to believe you anymore.

Well, not you, you, but YOU–that icky voice that likes to prey on my mind and find the sore parts of my heart to deter me from being my truest self. Sometimes you sound like a whisper, and other times you scream, "You are not enough," or "You should have done this!" It's you, that internal voice that belongs to me – my negative self-talk. I'm not going to believe you anymore. 

For too long, I allowed other people's opinions and actions to dictate who I was. A job rejection meant I was unworthy. A guy who never called me after the first date meant I was unlovable. A colleague who didn't acknowledge my hard work meant I was valueless. I allowed these feelings from these interactions to become my core beliefs about myself.

The lies I chose to believe became deafening to the point that I couldn't hear my voice and viewed myself with a thick lens of self-doubt. 

It was when my friend Melody suggested, as a New Year's resolution, to doodle every day for a whole year that I began to hear a faint whisper of myself. It wasn't until the 209th day that I recognized the true value of expressing my voice through art. Each day was an opportunity to take inventory of what was in my heart and mind—feeling my feelings. Then, I would reflect on what I needed, and that would often lead me to self encouragement and affirmation. It doesn't seem like too big of a deal to say a few I am statements, but there is power in doing it daily, over and over again. 

Some highlights from my 365-day doodle journey.

Each day, I declared this truth to myself, "I am loved, valued, and purposed."

I strengthened my voice. My voice was more assertive and held the power to decide who I was. It has the ability to turn my imperfections into points of interest and my vulnerabilities into strengths. When the negative self-talk likes to try to keep back in, which it does – I'm quicker and faster to tell it where to shove it. 

In this process, I've learned that feelings show you what is happening in your heart but can make you forget who you are, especially on bad days. The truth is that no matter how you feel, who you are never changes. When you feel happy, you are loved; when you feel sad, you are still loved.

Self love for me means giving myself permission to show up as fully me, which means feeling all my feelings and remembering the truth of who I am. 

Here are two practices that have helped me show up and love myself — daily:

1. Listen to this playlist

Like Melody, I believe the right playlist can change everything. Here is a playlist with some of my favorite songs that are intentional with their words and are powerfully uplifting.

2. Embrace yourself — with my new coloring book

This week, my personal mindfulness practice of asking myself 1) How am I feeling today? and 2) What truth am I speaking over myself today? came to life through my new 'Embrace Yourself' coloring book. It is a must-have tool to practice being kinder to yourself, and honors not only my self love journey of silencing my inner critic, but hopefully will also empower yours. The pages are filled with whimsical illustrations inspired by heartbreak, healing, growth, and transformation. Each page holds intentional space for you to answer those two questions I mentioned above. I hope that as you color, you embrace your feelings, the truth, ALL of you – your truest self.

You can order your copy using the button below. First week sales are incredibly important for authors. Thank you so very much for your support!

Thank you for your moving Confession Leanne! Learn more about Leanne on her website by clicking below.

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