How Spotify Taught Me To Love Myself Again
+ an 8-hour playlist that will make you feel young again.
The older I get, the more I lament the fact that my memory is at best spotty. I could blame this on my busy life, or my thyroid, or having too much fun in my early twenties, but whatever the reason, I’m coming to terms with the fact that when it comes to my history: my visual recollections are blurry at best. Thankfully - there’s one area of my memory that is as crystal clear as ever: the music. I remember every song I’ve ever loved (lyrics included). And today, I’m going to share some of my favorites with you.
Left: me recording my song (music and lyrics), Right By My Side; Right: my copyright (age 11).
My name is Melody, so it should come as no surprise that music is a deep and divine part of who I am. My mother’s intuition is extremely powerful, and there’s no doubt in my mind that she chose the name Melody because she knew the profound role music would play in my life. I played the piano at the age of four, and was singing and composing shortly after. As a child, teenager and young adult, I was always, always, always listening to or making music. You know the people who get full body goosebumps and chills from music? (It’s called frisson, I looked it up for us). That’s me. Growing up, music was my lifeblood, and I never withheld it from myself. Music was my highest form of self love.
My tape collection, including many mix tapes I made by waiting for my favorite songs and recording them on the radio.
From the radio and cassette tapes, to CDs and eventually mp3s, my music collection was my prized possession. I knew which songs I liked and I listened to them relentlessly. I remember once trying to run away during my early teens and instead of packing clothing, I grabbed my boombox. I’m dating myself with the late 80s and early 90s technological references but stay with me — I’m going to reward you with a playlist for indulging me.
For me, adulthood officially started when I turned 30 and gave birth to premature twins a few months later. Once survival mode set in, the music stopped. Along with most of my other modes of self awareness and pleasure. Who was I? What did I like? What did it matter. I had two people to keep alive. I sacrificed myself at the altar of motherhood.
Me with my babies, right after breastfeeding. Blurry because that’s how it felt at the time, and that’s how I remember it.
Now, almost eleven years later, I’m re-learning the importance of investing in my passions as a form of self love. And thanks to Spotify, music is again taking center stage. The beauty of Spotify though, is this: the more time I spend exploring and clicking that little heart button, the more Spotify rewards me with music I like. It is designed to know me, to please me, to delight me. All that’s required of me in exchange is to take the time to express myself so it knows what I like. That’s it.
There are few pleasure in life greater than being known and cared for, whether it be by someone else, or by yourself. Loving myself means making time to know my needs and meet them — Spotify makes both of these aspects of self love easier for me. I’m learning to love myself again, and it has never sounded so good.
In honor of my childhood self, the one who knew her favorite songs and devoted herself to enjoying them, I’m sharing a playlist of the songs that carried me through the 80s and 90s. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
Having favorites is a symptom of knowing yourself. What is your favorite song — from the past and present? Let me know by leaving a comment and I’ll add it to our next Self Love Confidential Spotify playlist.
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