Self love is... surprising yourself
A river named after gunpowder, some hail, and me. Don't worry: I manifested this.
A manifestation from my new book, Moon Garden: Poetry for Manifestation, now available for preorder at BookPeople (with a free preorder gift!).
Welcome to July. Not only is it a new month, ripe with the richness of summer, it’s also the first day of the second half of the year. Despite the challenges the first half of 2025 presented, it was also full of adventure to new places and also old places, but with new eyes.
In March, I had the great fortune of taking my daughter Stella and mom to Paris, where we took a croissant baking class, walked with awe through newly restored Notre Dame, and visited five museums in almost as many days. In May, I took two transformative trips, first to Mexico City (my new favorite destination) where my bestie and I ate, walked, and absorbed culture with every step. Next was Santa Barbara with my brother for a visit to church (i.e. my second Khruangbin concert) followed by a meditation/breathwork retreat at Esalen in Big Sur, California. Each of these experiences was deeply nourishing, because they completely took me out of my day-to-day (both literally and figuratively). But my biggest aha moment didn’t happen in Paris, Mexico City, Santa Barbara or Big Sur… it happened on an ice-cold river outside of Estes Park, Colorado while I was whitewater rafting with my family.
Let me explain.
Every year we take a family trip with my husband’s family to an adventure destination. Last year it was to my husband’s homeland of Alaska, and this year we met up in Estes Park, Colorado. Before the trip, my mother-in-law reached out about booking activities for us in advance, and we all agreed on whitewater rafting. The morning after arriving in beautiful Colorado, eleven of us, ranging in age from seven (my son Teddy) to almost 80 (my in-laws), piled into a school bus for an hour-long ride to the Cache la Poudre river. From the moment we got to the parking lot, I started getting nervous. Despite the prior day’s sunny skies, the sky was cloudy, and a drizzle had started. Once we got moving on the bus, we were met with another surprise: hail.
If you know me, you know that whitewater rafting was already a stretch. But whitewater rafting with hail? I started evaluating my escape options. The problem of course was that there was no escaping this experience. If my seven-year-old son and his grandparents were ready to brave the river, I certainly couldn’t back out.
We reached the river, got an alarming talk about what to do if the boat capsized on you, and piled into two boats. While it had thankfully stopped hailing, it was still painfully cold, and the river was moving awfully fast. Nevertheless, your girl persisted. We bravely set out for our hour-long journey down the river. But here’s when it got interesting: with every stroke of my oar through the water, with every splash of water in my face, and with every rapid we navigated, I enjoyed myself more and more. When it ended, I wasn’t relieved. I was happy and proud. I didn’t realize just how much I enjoyed myself though until I saw the photos. In every single one, I am smiling. Mouth open, and wide-eyed, but unmistakably happy.
On the river, I was out of my element.
On the river, I was out of control.
On the river, I was cold and wet.
On the river, I surrendered, and came alive.
When we finished, Teddy summed it up perfectly: “Today was the best day of my life.”
At 43, I didn’t think I could still surprise myself. I didn’t realize there were parts of me still waiting to be activated, to come alive. And yet, all it took was a ride down a river named after gunpowder buried in the snow for me to discover the buried gunpowder within my own self just waiting to burst through to the surface.
The thing is: to surprise yourself, you have to be willing to venture into the unknown. As I expressed in my July manifestation above, you have to be willing to “release your anchors and shed your inhibitions.” When I wrote those words many months ago, I didn’t realize that I’d literally be releasing an anchor and coasting down a river. It’s funny how manifestations work: the minute you set something to paper or speak it out loud, the universe affirms — sometimes in the most literal ways.
I must acknowledge what a privilege it is for me to be able to travel — especially to the degree I have the past few months. But I’m finding I can even surprise myself within the confines of my day-to-day life. If I start to feel the itch to escape my routine, it means exactly that: I need a new routine. Which is exactly what I’ve been trying to craft for myself lately, with great success. I managed to bring a little gunpowder home with me from Cache la Poudre.
Self love is releasing your anchors and shedding your inhibitions.
It’s letting go of our need to be in control and seeing where the river takes us.
It’s remembering that it’s never too late to become a more expansive version of yourself.
It’s knowing that when we choose to trust over fear, the universe delights in surprising us.
How is fear anchoring you in place?
Can you release control and ride the wave?
XO,
Melody (your resident lunatic)
PREORDER AND GET A FREE DIGITAL POSTER!
I’m so excited to share that everyone who has preordered Moon Garden so far is eligible to receive this free digital print, a 2026 Moon Phase calendar that has themes and dates for every new moon and full moon of 2026! Simply visit my website using the link below, upload your proof of purchase and it’s yours!
Want to get double the perks? Order your book from one of my preorder partners (like BookPeople below!) and you’ll get a signed copy and stickers, too. Just upload your proof of purchase at the link. below.
PREORDER MOON GARDEN FROM BOOK PEOPLE IN AUSTIN, TX AND GET A FREE GIFT!
I’m beyond grateful to partner with iconic independent bookstore BookPeople in Austin, TX to offer signed preorder copies of Moon Garden: Poetry for Manifestation that come with a special, limited edition glow-in-the-dark sticker sheet with some of my favorite poems from the book. Use the preorder link below to get yours! Thank you for supporting independent bookstores and me. <3
I love that feeling!