The antidote for feeling guilty
Poetry Oracle: Week of October 23rd
Welcome back to the Self Love Confidential Poetry Oracle, where the universe sends you the message you need to hear right now by way of a poem from one of my books.
If you’re someone who struggles with feeling guilty all the time, this week’s Oracle is for you.
The day has finally come. I’m leaving my family for a week. When I booked this trip nearly six months ago, for once, I didn’t think through the logistics. I didn’t plan for the “who will pick up the kids?” or “who will write the newsletter?” or “who will give Teddy his allergy medication every morning?” I simply found the ticket, entered my credit card information, and committed. Italy was happening on October 22nd. And before I knew it, October is here.
The past few days, the reality of this choice has caught up with me. Teddy has been crying and begging me not to go, clinging to me every time I leave the house. He wet his bed for the first time in years one night, and fell out of his bed the next. Yesterday, I started making a google doc for my husband, in-laws and parents (all of whom are staying behind) that details everything I carry in my mind and do every single day. Every hour, the list gets longer. It’s currently six pages.
All of this amounts to one thing: guilt. An overwhelming and crushing amount of guilt. That channels itself into low grade anxiety that vibrates off me and manifests as anger, sadness, and everything in between. I feel radioactive.
But then, when it was time to write this Oracle, I remembered something I once learned and clearly have forgotten: to choose gratitude over guilt. In The ABCs of Self Love, I explain:
Gratitude is a word you hear quite a bit once you start exploring self love, positivity, and mindfulness. While the traditional definition—being thankful—is important, I’m going to challenge you to think of gratitude a little differently. For me, gratitude isn’t just about being thankful. It is about being truly present in the moment I’m experiencing, instead of feeling guilty about something outside of my current experience. Gratitude is how I love and choose myself— without apology.
Let me explain. If you’re a working parent like I am, you spend a lot of time feeling guilty that you’re not with your kids, instead of feeling grateful that you’re at work (and vice versa). The moment I flipped my internal switch from guilt to gratitude, my happiness increased exponentially. And this doesn’t just apply to real-time conflicts. Oftentimes, it’s the guilt from the past or guilt about something in the future that takes the joy out of a present experience—that takes us out of our present experience.
Guilt robs you of the moment you’re in. Gratitude reclaims it. When we focus on the moment we’re in and practice gratitude instead of guilt, we ground ourselves (and especially our runaway thoughts) in joy. And joy is what lights the way on our self love journeys.
The ABCs of Self Love, G is for Gratitude over Guilt.
So instead of focusing on all I’m leaving behind and feeling guilty, I’m doing the opposite and being grateful for the adventure that lies ahead: Italy. The place I studied abroad, the place I first fell in love with a culture other than my own. So I’m going to guiltlessly spend the week keeping my eyes and heart wide open and let in all the love and culture and gratitude and pasta (and yes, also wine) flood in. I hope today you’ll find something to be grateful for, too. Arrivederci amici.