To pause is your power
Poetry Oracle: Week of June 12th
Welcome back to the Self Love Confidential Poetry Oracle, where the universe sends you the message you need to hear by way of a poem from one of my books. I’ll select the weekly poem(s) by trusting my intuition, the very thing I hope you’ll start to do as a member of this self love community.
If you are tired of the hamster wheel that is your life, this week’s oracle is for you.
The Shift, page 14.
“We climb the hill called more
Because to stop would mean we’re less
And settling for enough would mean
We are nothing
So we push a little harder
Spin another plate, and then another
Run on the wheel, faster and faster
Until what’s left of us is an empty blur.”
I’m convinced time is moving faster in 2023. The past six months have left me utterly breathless. But regardless of whether time is moving faster than it used to, one thing is certain: I am moving faster, my responsibilities so endless that most days there isn’t even a minute to pause between them. At the end of the day I crumble into my bed, pull my wireless headphones over my ears (because yes — during the pandemic I adopted the use of not only a comfort blanket but also comfort headphones) and drop into sleep, only to repeat the same pattern tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.* I push this hard because like this poem from The Shift suggests, I subscribe to the cult of more. I also have to do all the things I do each day. Or so I tell myself.
But what if I didn’t? What if instead of hustling, rushing, and running on my wheel of life, I paused instead?
The Shift, page 15.
“You are the conductor
To pause is your power
Feel the magnitude of a rest
A symphony brewing
In silent spaces.”
Today (Sunday) I got off the wheel. Completely. Not only did I take the day to myself to drive up to Ojai for a dear friend’s birthday (1.5 hours away), I decided to book myself a beautiful hotel room and stay the night instead of driving back, as I had originally planned. Tonight I didn’t crumble into bed, I didn’t put on my comfort headphones, I didn’t follow the routine I carry like a weight. I made an unexpected decision and in the process remembered something: I am the conductor. I am in charge of orchestrating my life — not the other way around. I’m capable of making time slow down. Today, I slowed down, and I loved it.
So to pause is my power, yes. But tonight I learned it is also my joy. At the hotel I touched all the goods in the perfectly curated gift shop, running my hands over art books and face oils. In my room I took a shower and relished the earthy smell of a new soap. Every sight, smell, sound new — and delightful. Tomorrow I’ll return home, but not as the same person who left.
24 hours away and I feel reborn. What will 24 hours away from your hamster wheel do for you? Are you willing to find out?
*This is the title of my current favorite book, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow. If there is one book you read this summer, let it be this one.