Who am I without the Self Love Pinky Ring?
My complicated relationship with the ring that changed the course of my life.
Nine years ago, I came up with the idea for the Self Love Pinky Ring. I told my best friend about it, and she nudged me to run with it. We became business partners, launched Fred and Far (a mix of our last names), and watched in awe as six months after launching the Self Love Pinky Ring went viral and became a global phenomenon.
Today, we’re no longer partners, and I’m no longer actively running Fred and Far. So why is letting go of the Self Love Pinky Ring as my defining emblem so hard, and who am I without it?
Many of the people receiving this Substack newsletter are here because they signed up for my Fred and Far newsletter (thank you for migrating over with me). Fred and Far is the company I created when I came up with the Self Love Pinky Ring, which is the ring I designed to give women (including myself) a symbol and reminder of self love and care. And for a long time, my loyal subscribers, self-loving women from around the world, received newsletters from me about the new gemstones being offered, the occasional sale, and interviews and stories with women from our community. The trouble was that with each email I sent that felt like a sales push, I felt like a phony. The purpose of this ring, of my community, wasn’t to sell something: it was to inspire self commitment and self discovery – two things that with each passing day as an entrepreneur, I was sacrificing.
Being an entrepreneur, especially during the girl boss era, felt like an accomplishment in itself. Master of my own kingdom, manifester of my dreams. The work I was doing with the Self Love Pinky Ring was and is important – every day women would share their stories with me and honor me by allowing me to be part of their self love journeys, their growth, their authenticity, their joy. The press and social media hits were validating and impressive: everyone from Vogue to Forbes covered what I was doing. But if the point of this ring was to inspire me to be my authentic self, why was I spending the majority of my time dealing with manufacturing issues, FedEx tracking and Facebook ads? If you’re reading this, you probably know that in the last few years I’ve released several books with Andrews McMeel Publishing (Self Love Poetry: For Thinkers & Feelers, The Shift: Poetry for a New Perspective, and The ABCs of Self Love). I am an author, and more specifically a poet. This is the authentic self that I was able to reconnect with and discover while at the helm of a self love movement. And this poet is tired of being a girl boss.
If only it were that easy: to naturally let go of one thing and move on to the next. But I’m having a hard time letting go. The Self Love Pinky Ring played such an essential role in my life and getting me to where I am now, and I know how much it has meant to all of you as well. I still stumble when I introduce myself to new people. “What do you do?” they ask. For so long the answer was, “I created the Self Love Pinky Ring and launched a self love movement.” Now instead of answering what I do, I tell them who I am: “I am an author and poet devoted to empowering people to love themselves and transform their lives.” It feels good to be defined by who I am, instead of what I do. It also feels good to free myself a bit from a name, Fred and Far, that is so closely tied to a relationship I let go of years ago.
This Substack newsletter is my way of continuing the journey I started with Fred and Far by cultivating a space for women to choose themselves, to honor themselves and to remember themselves daily. My hope is that through the community features, like comments and Threads, we can connect and dive deep into what it means to live a life of self love. Because self love for me has been a lot less about the pink and red aesthetic and catchphrases that ultimately came to define Fred and Far and the greater self love movement in general, and more about the people who are doing the work of self love by showing up as their true selves each and every day. In addition to creating this community, I will be sharing weekly diary entries where I reflect on how I’m living up to my mission and practicing self love in my life, and also sharing poetry from my books at the start of each week to guide you on your journeys as well. I’m also very excited to bring my guided self love journal The ABCs of Self Love to life in a new way, through a monthly interview series with thought leaders who embody each letter in the book: from Authenticity to Zeroing Out (you’ll love what that means when we get there…).
The other reason I’m launching this subscriber-supported Substack is because although being a traditionally published author is a dream come true, it isn’t enough by itself to sustain me financially. It feels very uncomfortable to say that out loud, but in my book The ABCs of Self Love, V is for Vulnerability, so I’m trusting myself (and you) to be honest about my needs, even if it’s uncomfortable. By becoming a paid subscriber, you’ll not only receive the resources and inspiration to invest in your journey: you’ll be quite literally investing in mine.
Welcome to Self Love Confidential. Let’s see where we grow together.
P.S. So many ask, so is the ring gone forever? I really hope not and don’t think so. Let’s see where this newsletter takes us. Subscribe to be the first to know how and when it’s back.